Aug 14 2008
Sleep patterns: Insomnia and distress
My eyes burn and tiny pulleys of time snag at the bags that are folding in a trio under my half slit eyes. I lay on the couch unconsciously raising my index finger and letting it fall in an almost timed pattern on the “up” channel button of the remote>>infomercial >>Ab - Buster 3000>> >>hair commercial>>questionable French program >>cartoons >>B list music video >>ab machines >>up>>up. Tanned six-pac abs, and blonde hair says, “welcome to the gun show” before I change the channel one more time. The idea of a book is unquestionable, as I don’t have the energy to prop it up in order to read it. Can I phone someone? Not really, as it is 4am and everyone else is probably sleeping.
This has been my night for about 2 weeks. I’m averaging about 3 or 4 am as my usual bedtime. I think it has something to do with the fact that I currently have no schedule in terms of work or school. I don’t wake up late however, as I have recently been forcing myself to get up at the reasonable hour of 9. Thus, every night I’m getting, at most 4 hours of sleep (last night I had 3). What can be the cause?
Diagnosis from family and friends seems to be stress or depression. I can’t say i’m depressed, apart from the job search in my field of choice — writing — which is looking very bleak. This may in turn result in stress from not finding my chosen career path. Plus I am confused. I’m starting to wonder if I should have applied myself more in the maths and sciences, or chose to apply to teacher’s college. I think my “plan” on becoming a writer wasn’t a solid enough one. However, I will plug on.
In writing this I think I have actually just pin-pointed my distress. Ha! At least if not money, writing can lend me some sort of therapy. Behold the live powers of the written word!
Until I can come to terms with this life-crisis, I’ve tried everything from warm milk to sleeping pills. Nothing really works. I’ve noticed my memory slipping because of my lack of sleep. I misplace things, forget that I’ve already folded my laundry, made my bed etc. Nothing major like leave the stove on or forgetting to lock the front door, but things could progress if my pillow doesn’t soon seem more attractive.
Any suggestions for combating this on a clinical, surface level?
One Response to “Sleep patterns: Insomnia and distress”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Not A Member? Register for Free!
oh dolly.
i think it’ll just take time and more disappointment until you find something in terms of work. my lover didnt get a job for 8 months! and now hes in a good place.
but i would look at programs that start in January, just in case. school is always good. and with the type of writing you do –mag and freelance–you’ll be able to study too.
DONT TAKE SLEEPING PILLS.
try to be super active in your day physically, and at night you’ll be zonked. i was having the best sleeps of my life when i was a camp counselor in the sun all day running around.
take walks in your area, bike ride, etc.
xoxo.
ps ive only made 21 damned cents. !??!